Part III; Chapter 1

Winter 2025

The fireplace crackled and popped, sparks flying from the fresh log I had just placed. I zipped my hoodie all the way up, fighting the chills that ran up my spine; winter had come early in Tulsa and hadn’t ben forgiving. Now mid-December, I was fighting the worst cold I had ever had while trying to play host to five of Junia’s friends and the majority of our extended family.

My sister was set to arrive any moment from a shopping trip with our cousin Penny—a decoy so my aunts and I could set up for her surprise birthday party. I made one last pass through the house, thoroughly satisfied with the decorations and food. Only one thing seemed to be missing—Dad.

Afraid he had climbed back into bed, I took the stairs two at a time, prepared for an argument. To my surprise, I found Dad standing in front of Mom’s dresser, fussing with his hair in the mirror. A smile spread across my face at the sight, relief washing over me. “You look great, Dad,” I approved from the doorway.

“I just can’t get it to do what I want,” he grumbled, redoing his ponytail for the second time since I arrived.

I laughed a little, shaking my head. “I promise she isn’t going to care,” I assured.

With a sigh of defeat, Dad turned to face me. “It’s been six months, Shep…the least I can do is try to look nice for her.”

“You do look nice,” I smiled reassuringly at him. “She’s almost here—let’s get downstairs.”

All conversation stopped as Dad and I made our way to the foyer where everyone was waiting, all eyes watching awkwardly. Though he didn’t say anything, I could tell the attention was making Dad nervous—it seemed strange to me, considering how many eyes were on him while he was growing up. Before he had a chance to even contemplate running away to hide, Aunt Natalie announced that Penny and Junia were just minutes from the house. The lights were shut off and we all waited in silence for the door to open.

Our wait was short, Junia’s key in the door—surprisingly loud—announcing her arrival within two minutes. I felt Dad’s hand on my shoulder as the door swung open, his fingers tightening as the lights turned on and everyone collectively shouted “SURPRISE!” Junia’s hand darted to her chest dramatically, her eyes widening comically as she started laughing. She picked her way through the packed foyer and hallway, accepting hugs and “Happy birthday!” wishes along the way.

Dad had ducked into the living room, and I followed close behind him. When Junia walked in—where a large portion of my cousins had migrated—she still hadn’t noticed Dad standing off to the side of the room, nervously shifting his weight rom foot to foot. Her conversation halted the moment her eyes found his, the smile on her lips dropping into a scowl. Dad’s own smile wavered, but he somehow managed to keep it plastered in place. “Hi,” he squeaked. “Ha—happy birthday, Junie,”

Junia seemed to consider her choice of words before speaking. “Hello, Father,” she finally replied; her tone chilled the entire room more than the cold December weather.

Though I couldn’t say he didn’t deserve it, I knew her response had to hurt. Dad didn’t let on if it did, instead he just kept the smile on his face, offering Junia a small, gift-wrapped box. She took it from him, dropping it indifferently onto the coffee table with all her other gifts. Without another word to him, Junia turned to her friend Macy, telling her about a great deal she got on a pair of shoes. The two walked away with the rest of their friends.

The hopeful smile Dad had managed to keep fell as my sister stalked off; Macy shot an apologetic look at me over her shoulder, mouthing “I’m sorry” as Junia dragged her away. Though slightly confused, I mouthed “thanks” back at her just before she disappeared into the kitchen.

“I think I’m going upstairs,” Dad’s voice startled me, his head close to mine so not to be overheard.

“Don’t, Dad—please? Everyone else is really happy to see you. And Junia wants you here—she’s just upset.”

“Yeah; but I can’t stand the looks of pity and disgust,” he mumbled in response.

Before the conversation could continue—or Dad could escape—my brother came into the living room, finally seeing Dad. A huge smile spread across his face and he charged toward us. His eyes sparkling, he tossed himself at our father, wrapping him into a tight hug. “Daddy!” Abe exclaimed, his voice hinting at tears.

A look of utter shock fell on Dad’s face, and all eyes in the room were once again focused where he stood. He froze, his eyes finding mine and begging me for help. “Um, Abe—why don’t you take Dad to the den so you can tell him how school’s going? I’ll bring you some cocktail wieners.”

Knowing Abe’s affinity for the tiny hotdogs based solely on their name, I waited for him to voice agreement. In a fit of giggles, Abe repeated “Cocktail wieners!”—with emphasis on the naughty parts—as he grabbed Dad’s hand and pulled him from the room. I lingered a moment, waiting for conversation to pick up again before moving into the kitchen.

Macy was leaning against the counter, facing me as I walked in. Junia stood in front of her, spewing heated words. Having caught only the tail end of her tirade, I couldn’t be sure who or what she was talking about, but I would have put money on it being Dad. Macy cut her eyes to Junia, urging her to stop talking as I walked to the hors d’oeuvres.

Junia, arms crossed over her chest, turned her attention to me. “Who does he think he is?” she spat. “And who do you think you are to convince him to be here?”

“Junia!” Macy breathed, scolding my sister on my behalf.

“Look, Junie—he’s your father, it’s your birthday, and he’s trying. Give him a break,” I didn’t have the energy to argue with her, or even to defend him any more than I had, so I left it at that. Hoping Junia would too, I went back to Abe’s snacks.

“I wish it had been Dad in the accident.”

What happened next occurred without my brain—my hand swung around and connected with Junia’s cheek. There was a satisfying “crack” as skin met skin, and Junia’s mouth fell open—her eyes wide—in shock. I immediately felt guilty about the slap, but simultaneously felt a sense of relief.

With Junia still gaping at me, I dropped Abe’s plate and turned on my heel, rushing out of the room. I stuffed my feet into my boots and ran out the front door, vaguely aware of my sister’s angry voice shouting from behind me. My lungs sucked in the cold winter air, painfully reminding me of my illness, and with my boots crunching over a fresh dusting of snow, I paced across the front yard.

I took my time gathering myself together, ignoring the fact that my nose was slowly turning into an icicle. Anger and frustration were seeping from my pores, months of bottled emotions flowing like lava. My feet dug holes into the snow, mumbled curses tumbling from my lips, and the thought crossed my mind that I could easily hop in the car and drive away when I heard the front door open.

Instinctively, I turned to see who had interrupted my solitude; Macy stood on the porch, pulling a pack of cigarettes from the pocket of her coat. She took out a cigarette, lighting it as she walked down the steps toward me. When she arrived at my side, she extended her hand toward me, offering the open pack. I waved my decline, stuffing my hands in my pockets uncomfortably as she took a few drags from her smoke.

“She’s kind of being a brat…but I also can’t blame her. Can you?”

I scoffed, shaking my head. “Yes, I can; it’s not his fault.”

“It isn’t anybody’s fault,” Macy countered. “But it’s like she lost both parents, y’know?”

“Yeah—I know,” I snapped. “I kind of have the same problem.” Macy blinked, startled at my outburst, and backed away with her hands up in defeat. I shook my head, snorting back a sarcastic snicker, and walked passed her into the house. Before I opened the door, I forced a smile onto my face and took a deep breath, hoping I could disappear from prying eyes quickly and unnoticed.

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